Developmental Pediatrian

Today is the day I've been alternatively excited for and dreading for months. Yes months, because these doctors have waiting lists up to a year.

We oh-so-luckily sneaked in to an appointment just after Sophia's 2nd birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING!), thanks to our former PT that worked a little magic for us and bumped us up in line.

I wasn't sure what to expect but the normal "play assessment" was overseen by a Speech Pathologist (because she had speech delay in her file) a graduate clinician (who administered the cognitive and social tests) and of course Dr. Milanese, the best in Connecticut. I was so pleased to meet her :)

Sophia did her thing (and when it comes to words, talking, playing- that IS her thing) and had a lot of fun. The parent interview was thorough and Dr. M was easy to talk to.

After about 30 minutes or so of eval, during which Dr. M pretty much said it's not autism and that they have only good news, they went outside to score all the assessments and write up their notes. Sophia and I played for 15 minutes to allow them to work.

All of her scores came back great :) She is developmentally appropriate for all the "tasks" and tests they gave her. The speech pathologist said with a foreign two year old (that is, she has never met her before) she should be able to understand 50% of what she says, and she said she understood much more than that.

Sophia does NOT have autism. She doesn't fit anywhere on the scale at all.

So what does she have? Literally a perfect storm of SPD (sensory processing disorder- namely, vestibular {balance, motor planning}, hypermobility {super flexibility}, and low muscle tone. Yes, I knew this before, but a developmental pediatrician's diagnosis (and non-diagnosis of autism) is like the nail in the coffin. We are done. No more specialists! Sophia still has a long road ahead of her, in terms of her Journey to Walking. She will still be going to Occupational Therapy (OT) once a week and Physical Therapy (PT) once a week at the hospital. We are adding in aquatics at the Y (not official therapy, but helpful to her nonetheless). We will be so very busy but I'm so happy to report that IT'S WORKING. Sophia has been taking steps here and there :) She is up to 4 steps on her own!!! I just had to stop typing and got up to watch her walk 7 steps to her daddy!

They made sure to test the auditory defensiveness and the tactile defensiveness and they are still very much intact. Her OT will help with that.

Sophia has a couple behaviors where she has her hands close or in he mouth, or this thing where she rubs her binky against her cheek over and over (and can't give you a reason why she is doing it)-- Dr M said these are self soothing behaviors, and help manage anxiety. She said you could try to extinguish these behaviors, but it might manifest itself in another way- maybe something that you're not able to ignore easily. 

So all of this is amazing news of course! So there had to be a little bit of bad- and it's not necessarily all that bad, just sombering. The last thing we talked about was preschool readiness. It is very possible that Sophia won't be ready for a preschool program at age 3, like her peers. She might stay home an extra year, maybe even both years and could even go to Kindergarten late (we'll see). It's no secret that I'm not working and that my husband is pulling all the weight right now, WHILE going to school to become a teacher. When all of this stuff began, I stopped building up my retail business and now have zero income. Having Sophia home for another 2-3 years is a WONDERFUL thing but we do have bills to pay, so there is going to be a lot of thinking about the future and how we can best continue to provide for her. It's not that I don't want to work, I actually would like to and should be back at work by now (doing what? I don't know). But 2-3 appointments a week plus a kid that's 2 and not walking isn't every day care's dream, or employer's for that matter. No, we would be a burden, and there will be some long discussions about what we can do to keep Soph in all her therapies and me at home to bring her to them. 

New Routine

After qualifying for OT at the children's hospital once a week, in addition to the weekly PT appts we already go to every Thursday, we decided it was time for a little soul searching.

At the time of our decision, Sophia was getting a b23 appt every Tuesday, alternating between her teacher and her PT.  On Wednesdays we were going to a local gym/naturopath/physical therapist place for hour long private sessions, and then on Thursdays we make the trek into the city to see our favorite person of the week, our CCMC PT.

Now we were adding a 4:00 pm appt on Tuesday afternoons. I'm awesome, but I'm not that awesome.

People in my life (my husband, my mom, my best friend) asked me what was working the best, what I thought was the most valuable use of our time. There is no doubts in my mind that I made the right decision. I decided to go to Hartford every Tuesday and Thursday to get her therapy hours there. They are the best of the best and I knew that she was in the best hands there. They also TALK to each other, which is amazing :) I feel really confident that Sophia will excel from this routine.

Not only is her team at CCMC amazing (shameless plug, but I will keep doing it), her PT talked to the one of developmental pediatricians and was able to get us an appointment on July 31st, so much sooner than we hoped. She turns 2 on July 27th, so those two things are what we are most looking forward to next month!!!

OT Evaluation

Shortly after the X-rays and the Orthopedist appointment, we had another new experience. Our wonderful PT at CCMC had us go for an Occupational Therapy Evaluation (OT for short). This was a lot like her PT eval, just showing off what she could do and what she hasn't quite yet mastered.

Sophia IS doing such a better job with new people, and adapting to new experiences, but she was still a little hesitant, and demonstrated some "avoidance behaviors". She did her "temper tantrum" (laying on the floor in a "I can't do it" attitude) a couple times. I personally thought she should be used to cognitive testing at this point but ya know, she's 22 months old! She also acted a little tired even though she had a great nap. Must be exhausting :-)

The testing went well in my opinion, but when I got back the report, I was little surprised to see things like "attention problems" and "difficulty staying on task"- again, I personally chalk up a lot of to her AGE... but of course these are snap shots and they DID, at testing time, comment how smart she is... I have a very hard time imagining her on the autism spectrum, or having any cognitive problems, because of her brain power- multiple people have told me that she is quite smart- so I'm not just biased, I promise! 

Lately, though, I have started noticing small differences between her and other chilren. Not that it matters, and obviously I'm talking about more than just the glaringly obvious Not Walking part. 

I also have a hard time talking about the potty with her. She seems eager and has the vocabulary down pat, but it is my personal issues that I'm coping with - both losing my little baby (wahhh) and secondly, Do I want to be carrying a toddler to the potty 50 times a day? Of course she has her little potty, but she seems scared of the giant frog eating her peepee LOL!!! I am *trying* to let her do more things on her own.... so she will scoot to where she needs to be, or we walk by me holding her hands. She's supposed to be bearing weight on both hips so she reaches for a lot more things, or bends down, or shifts her weight, or whatever it is that she's doing much more often (before I would help her, get it for her... etc). If you say "crawl" she automatically switches to her hands and knees crawl (aka "creep") and then almost as a joke starts scooting at the end like "haha this is faster see ya later mom". 

Dressing her has become increasingly difficult..... as you can imagine we are outside a lot now in the nice weather and it pains me to imagine her legs all scraped up.. so she's in jeans if we are on the black top or playground, and sneakers, which get dragged to SHREDS unfortunately but what can ya do... 

Right now we are on vacation in Maine :-) She's doing a great job but I can't help but worry about when my uncle and cousins get here. She's going to have a tough time acclimating to that, and I know my youngest cousin will want to be all over her, something Sophia just doesn't tolerate. She's in BabyLegs 

 and just a diaper here because I'm so worried she'll get splinters or gravel embedded in her skin or some other such malady LOL. 

Orthopedist

Sorry for the long break in updating. SO much has happened in the month or two since I last blogged!

We went to the Orthopedist for the first time on May 21, 2013 at our B23 PT's recommendation to have all things checked out, if just to rule them out. Sophia saw a "mini-team" there and after seeing her do some standing and sitting and whatever else they looked at, asked to have her hips x-rayed again. She last had them x-rayed at 15 months old and there were no irregularities found. Because she was 22 months old now those xrays were considered "old" and so we went over to Radiation Blast to have them updated (*big pouty face*) Luckily we were called quickly and it was over in a matter of seconds, and we were able to meet back with the doctor right away. (Have I mentioned I love this hospital? I do). So her Orthopedist told us that her hips are immature for her age, which is to be expected with this severe a delay. She goes back to their office in March of 2014 for a re-check/ another x-ray to see how she develops.

A little Cruising in Maine - June 1, 2013

Here's a clip of Sophia doing some "running" with one hand on the couch and one hand holding a cookie ;-)

Sensory Processing Disorder (in Infants and Toddlers)

When Sophia was 15 months old, I was directed to the Sensory Processing Disorder Resource Center's checklist for SPD in Infancy and Toddlerhood (which can be found by clicking here).

I was about 5 months in to a 10 month period (10 months old - 20 months old) of the worst sleeping habits possibly ever seen in human behavior. I was baffled, and exhausted. I had touched lightly on the subject of sleep in past blog posts but let me make one thing very clear: sleeping was a HUGE issue. We were pretty miserable. And now I see that it was a huge red flag. But at the time I thought maybe it was something *I* was doing. Even the doctor at the 12 month well check-up expressed that Sophia "was just one of those kids who doesn't need a lot of sleep."

At the 15 month check up, I brought along the checklist that I had filled out because I had some concerns (and really, wanted a sleeping cure, or at least explanation). Of course, she wasn't walking yet so that took priority and while I can see NOW how those two things go hand in hand, at the time I was just a zombie mommy that probably shouldn't have been driving to these appointments anyway! (I kid, I would never put Soph in jeopardy).

Our SPD concerns were brushed off. Sophia doesn't present any of the typical symptoms (not sensitive to noises, bright lights, clothing; not a risk taker, has excellent fine motor skills). We started "traditional" Physical Therapy through early intervention. (strengthening and training of the muscles) Progress stalled and we started OT/PT at the hospital.

Where I was expecting heavy equipment, possibly walkers or othotics, instead we got buckets of beans and "super suits" (previous post mentions TheraTogs, SPIO)

Here is a full SPIO suit (in PINK!!)

Our new PT believed that Sophia had Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD for short).

So we, as humans, "Receive And Perceive Sensory Input Through Sights, Sounds, Touch, Tastes, Smells, Movement and Balance, Body Position and Muscle Control." 

"Sensory Processing Disorder - also known as Sensory Integration Dysfunction - is still in the process of becoming widely accepted and treated by all professionals."

So it's unlikely that you will walk in to your child's pediatric office and receive a diagnosis.


PS: FRONT PAGE OF THE SPD RESOURCE CENTER: "Ever wonder why you can’t seem to calm them down or get them to sleep?" *cough cough, general practice pediatricians, cough, cough*

The SPD Foundation states: "Sensory Processing Disorder can affect people in only one sense–for example, just touch or just sight or just movement–or in multiple senses. One person with SPD may over-respond to sensation and find clothing, physical contact, light, sound, food, or other sensory input to be unbearable. Another might under-respond and show little or no reaction to stimulation, even pain or extreme hot and cold. In children whose sensory processing of messages from the muscles and joints is impaired, posture and motor skills can be affected. These are the "floppy babies" who worry new parents and the kids who get called "klutz" and "spaz" on the playground."

When we look at Sophia, she specifically has Motor Planning issues; ie., right leg is NOT talking to brain or vice versa. She has a couple little "quirks" as symptoms that therapy is helping her out tremendously with, but of course our overall goal is to help her get up on those two feet and walk. (falls under body position/muscle control SPD criteria)

Her vestibular system (motion/balance) is off or not quite yet fully developed- the world is scary when you don't know which way is up and which way is down.  Sophia stays low to the ground to control her environment and to keep herself safe. Sophia prefers not to take risks involving heights or mobility- she doesn't want to fall and is extremely scared of heights. She also gets car sick in the car if she is reading a book or doing an activity and not paying attention to her surroundings.

Sophia has hypermobility. (Body position/muscle control) The term double jointed is often used to describe hypermobility; however, the name is a misnomer and should not to be taken literally, as an individual with hypermobility in a joint does not actually have two separate joints where others would have just one. Some would say that the fact that she can stand up and hold it there is pretty impressive. Walking requires a lot more thought. This is something that she will never grow out of, but hopefully early intervention will give her the strength that she needs for everyday life skills.

So, put those three together and you have our daughter:

The love of my life

Early Intervention + Starting Hospital Therapy

Sophia had Physical Therapy once every 2 weeks through the Early Intervention Services in our state, Birth to Three. B23 comes to your house for the therapy, the idea being that the child will be more comfortable in their home environment.

Home therapy consists a lot of going up and down the stairs, using pillows to challenge balance, swinging her side to side in a blanket, and having her sit in her little armchair and standing up in a forward motion. (Jump to the future a bit: now that it's warm out, we are outside- swinging, walking with a tool called a walk-a-long {more on that later} and playing with things like a parachute).

After a couple months of Physical Therapy (and OT) Sophia wasn't making much, if any progress. A friend mentioned that her son enjoyed his therapy at our local children's hospital. I've mentioned before that we were willing to try anything and everything, so we made an appointment for evaluation there.

At the hospital, they have a large gym devoted to Occupational and Physical Therapy. Sophia was evaluated in the open gym part and demonstrated her scoot. She went up and down standard stairs and little bitty stairs. She had to use a bench to pull up to stand, and reach for crayons out of her reach. She was just about to turn 19 months, and she qualified for therapy solely based on her gross motor delay. They write out a "prescription"- she was prescribed 12 hour long sessions (once a week for 12 weeks) and given a diagnosis of low muscle tone. The intake nurse video taped our session because of the "novelty of movement Sophia presented".

Starting PT at the children's hospital was a whole different experience. For one, they have all the equipment anyone who "walks" in there could ever need, and more of a multidimensional approach.  I can only assume our PT watched the video of Sophia and came to the conclusion that she was a little jumpy, a little cautious, a little leery.... so she talked to me for awhile while Sophia explored the room. Then, Sophia sat in a bucket of (uncooked) kidney beans for 45 minutes, I kid you not. That was her therapy for the day. Digging in beans! And she loooooooved it. Now, as you read this you can already tell my bias. I obviously like one therapy hour over the other.

At both, we talk a lot about "mid-line" and how Sophia is asymmetrical. She has to think about crossing her arm or hand over her body. We play to the left a lot, since she always gravitates to the right. Things like that to help her correct her stance. She always tucks in her right leg, and we have to say "straighten your leg" or even move it for her. She is allowed to sit legs straight out or criss-cross-applesauce (aka Indian style). The first two or three hospital sessions Sophia sat in the bucket and practiced pouring beans to the left with her right hand, and vice versa, and we put beans in her toes, and on her head, and all sorts of silly things.

We then moved on to something called the Theratog suit, a kind of weighted suit that makes you think about the muscles you are using (and think about them again, in a different way, when taken off).

We've personally had more success with the Spio suit, which is best described as a wet suit like a scuba diver would wear. It's just clingy (clinically called compression) and makes her feel secure (I guess).

The PT at the children's hospital believes that Sophia has Sensory Processing Disorder. The next post will be all about SPD!

Chiropractors

This is just a quick post to detail our chiropractor experiences. I had mentioned before that we sought out chiropractic care once Sophia hit 15 months and still wasn't walking.

Let me first start out by saying that I "believe" in chiropractic care, that I myself have been treated by a chiropractor and had a good experience.

Sophia started seeing a chiropractor in November 2012. We had a 40 minute drive to go there but they came highly recommended. After examining Sophia, the chiro thought she had "sticky and clicky" hips. He wanted to see her 3x a week, EVERY WEEK. I like to think I'm a good mom but after a few weeks of that I had enough.

Our second chiropractor was in the next town over. When she first examined her, she was SURE there was something off about Sophia's right leg. So much so that she insisted I call her pediatrician and have a lower extremity x-ray done. It was her belief that Sophia's fibula was longer in her right leg than in her left one. She "Set" the bone with a little black instrument and asked to see her in 2 days to see if it stayed in place. She said she didn't know what she could possibly do for us and would anxiously await the x-ray.

The bone didn't "stay in place", so we went to our local hospital to get another x-ray. It came out fine, she was fine.

At this stage, I am unsure how much I believe. Congentially longer fibulas, sticky clicky hips.... and a baby who was already going to enough appointments a week in my opinon.

We stopped going to the chiropractor after that.

Back to Story Line: Hip X-ray & Early Intervention

About 4 and a half months ago (according to my Instagram account) (follow me if you want: @mygreatestaccomplishment ) , when Sophia was 16 months old, we had taken her to the pediatrician to express our concerns about not walking, along with an SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) checklist I had printed out from the internet. At this point, her sleeping was at the very worst it had and has ever been (knock on wood).

We had recently switched to the practice after being disappointed with our first choice. We still don't see any one doctor there, so no one really knows who Sophia is at this point, and they still don't almost 5 months later... but non-vaxers (more on that later) can't be choosers, especially in our area, so here we are.

Our concerns about SPD were dismissed ( because honestly, Sophia isn't sensitive to light, sounds, articles of clothing, and whatever else was on their standardized form) and we were given a referral for the early intervention program in our State (Connecticut), Birth to Three (abbreviated B23 from now on).

We also received orders for a hip x-ray, because it was medically necessary to rule anything physical out. We went the next day. Sophia was so tired, SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS. It was a small miracle. We had to wait in the tiny waiting room (me holding a sleeping Soph) while the technician called our doctor and discussed the results. I was so nervous, I can barely remember the details of the room, and couldn't tell you what it looked like if I tried. My gut told me that nothing was wrong with her hips, but here I was at an imaging center with my baby anyway. I held it together as the nurse told me to come in to talk to my doctor's office on the phone. The moments between "hello" and "the x-ray came back all clear, nothing's wrong" are probably the longest moments of my entire life.

She was fine. 

I left a message on the B23 hotline as we were leaving the office. A couple weeks later, December 4, 2012, 2 women came to our house. One was a physical therapist, and conducted the interview, and another was (I suspect) an Occupational Therapist, and played on the floor with Soph.

Sophia didn't say a word the entire time they were here, which was over an hour. She had said words like "mama, dada, dogga, ball" to me and my husband, but wasn't crazy about having strangers at the house, so she got a score of zero words. She demonstrated her scoot and was not, at the time, pulling up on anything to stand or cruising.

She qualified for services almost immediately by just looking at her for the motor delay, but they just had to ask me the full hour of questions. Her scores came out as follows:

Motor development - significant delay. 

Social/emotional- moderate delay. 

Communication - significant delay.    

Everything else Age appropriate.

 

 We had gone into this thinking the only thing that needing addressing was the walking. Clearly, an hour "snap shot" of a child is going to get varied results, depending on the day, time, and mood of the baby, but my husband and I both felt that it was important to get Soph all the help she needed, realizing that she could "Graduate" once she caught up to her peers. We were leaving for a 2 week vacation and the holidays were quickly approaching so Sophia didn't START services until January 2013. Since then, someone comes to our house every Tuesday. The physical therapist and occupational therapist alternate weeks so Sophia sees each one every two weeks.

 

Cloth Diapering and Walking Delays

As you can tell from the last few posts, while not trying to rush, I am trying to catch up to the present (so that I can at least start writing in present tense) because I have SO MUCH to share about what's going on NOW.

But I did want to take a quick pause to talk about something that has come up a couple times when we talk about walking delays and infants. As you've probably figured out by now, we are a "crunchy" family- meaning that we try to do things as naturally as possible, time or money allowing. One of those things that we do to be earth-friendly is using cloth diapers. We have used cloth since Sophia was about 7 weeks old, and she has been almost exclusively cloth diapered since about 13 weeks old (exceptions were made on vacations! haha!)

At Sophia's Birth to Three Evaluation, in which they determine if your family is eligible for services ( and I will talk about much more in the next post), the evaluator commented on Sophia's diapers, only because they made her have the appearance of a bowed back (if any of you out there CD: she was wearing an AppleCheeks! Imagine if she was wearing a Rumparooz! ha!) When it was determined that Sophia would be receiving Physical Therapy from Birth to Three (abbreviated B23 from now on) her therapist requested that we use disposable diapers during the therapy hour.

As I'm sure you've heard your grandmother tell you, cloth diapers have been around for a long time- disposables are still a relatively new invention. And everybody learned to walk just fine.

There has been some research done, and while there needs to be more - much more- done in the future, it is an interesting theory.

Dirty Diaper Laundry (a cloth diaper blog) posted a study discussing this topic ( http://dirtydiaperlaundry.com/do-cloth-diapers-delay-walking-in-infants/ ). DDL is a great resource to read if you are interested learning more about cloth diapers!

The DDL blog references this study done at NYU: Go Naked. The abstract explains: "Diapers introduce bulk between the legs, potentially exacerbating infants’ poor balance and wide stance. We show that walking is adversely affected

by old-fashioned cloth diapers, and that even modern disposable diapers—habitually worn by

most infants in the sample—incur a cost relative to walking naked. Infants displayed less mature

gait patterns and more missteps and falls while wearing diapers. Thus, infants’ own diapers

constitute an on-going biomechanical perturbation while learning to walk."

Sophia wears a style of cloth diaper called "pockets" for the most part. Most of these modern cloth diaper companies pride themselves on being "trim" (less bulky) while still be absorbent. It is my belief that her diapers have little or no effect on her ability to walk. 

In summary, "This study does show that wearing diapers has an affect on walking in the short term but cannot prove that this does anything except set them back a a few weeks in skill. As parents we all want what is the best for our children. According to this study being naked is the best!" -- which I'm sure we can all agree on! :-)

It is also worth noting that the above-mentioned study was sponsored by P&G, the manufacturer of Pampers and Luvs disposable diapers.

Recently, I bought a month's worth of disposable diapers to test this theory. At first, Sophia did seem to be more mobile in the "sposies". She was taking a few independent steps at the time. She has since regressed and hasn't been walking on her own for a couple weeks now. In our personal experience, it doesn't seem to matter what kind of diaper she has on- it's more likely that the weather or the phases of the moon are factors at this point!! She will only "walk" (take a step or two) when she is entirely comfortable in her surroundings and abilities.

EDIT: a friend in the Cloth Diaper community analyzed this article and wrote her findings. It's a great read to help keep things in perspective! Check it out at Cloth Diaper Guru. 

What do you think? Do you think the cloth vs. disposable debate has any weight when we are talking about learning to walk?

Here's a short video of the Scoot

Somebody Please Help Me

12-15 months was hands down the hardest time of Sophia's life (and mine too, for that matter.)

Sleeping was out the window. Nobody could mention the world "sleep" without me glaring at them. We skipped a vacation. We stayed at home. A lot. My husband told me to not care about social norms- to just sleep whenever, who cares if it's night or day out. Sometimes I agreed, other times I was banging my head against the wall in frustration. I had a lot of babies around me, you see- always have. I watched them grow and develop in a typical or even not so typical patterns. Sophia was unlike any of those babies. I had a Psychology background (note: a bachelor's, not an expert at ALL, but I took every early childhood development class they offered because it was of interest to me). Up until I was 5 months pregnant, I worked at a daycare center, in the INFANT room. I knew infants. We vibed. Sophia and I did NOT vibe. I couldn't figure her out, no matter how hard I tried. I remember telling my husband before she was born, "Don't worry. Start college classes and go to work too. I got this."

I did NOT have this.

Sophia had not yet started walking by her 15 month well check up with her pediatrician. Around that time I also started bringing her to a chiropractor in hopes that she could get all her kinks worked out (from birth, from being a baby, from whatever- I'd read and heard a lot about chiropractic care for infants and wanted to finally give it a go). Right before I went to her 15 month appt, a friend had me look at a Sensory Processing Disorder Checklist for Infants and Toddlers ( http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/SPD-symptom-checklist-for-infants-and-toddlers.html ) I printed it out and brought it with me, because there were enough checks that I wanted an expert opinion.

At her appointment, she demonstrated her "walk". It is a scoot, where she pushes off with one leg and drags the other one along with her. I will upload a video as soon as I can find one.

Despite my SPD concerns (she didn't have ANY of the classical symptoms- which, if you are unfamiliar with SPD, are along the lines of Too Tight! Too Bright! Too Loud!) , we were referred to the early intervention program in our State, Birth to Three, for traditional Physical Therapy. The doctor we saw also ordered an x-ray of her hips to rule out any physical factors.

An Abrupt Stop to Nursing and Becoming a Night Owl

I feel okay skipping 4 months-11 months because as far as development goes, Sophia was right on track and developing typically (rolling, sitting.... army crawl/inch worming... she never "crawled" in the true definition but we've all heard stories about kids that skip crawling and go straight to walking). We never ever went to the doctor, unless it was for a Well Check Up, because she was just a healthy kid who never got sick. I adored this about her, naturally. Come to think of it, she was really a model child up to this point- easy, happy, quiet--- all those things that might make some people say "hmm" but had me quite pleased that I had such a good-natured baby.

Last Summer, when she was 11 months and 1 week old, she stopped nursing. Just completely stopped. It was like a switch went off. I nursed her to sleep at night, and in the morning she wouldn't drink. I chalked it up to just wanting some real food for breakfast- she was almost a year old after all- and thought it would be fine, she'd drink in a couple hours. A couple hours turned into a couple days. I was in pain, because there was no gradual weaning at all. Green light, red light. I was actually in so much pain, that I decided to stop breastfeeding. I figured this is what she was telling me. And I only wanted to go through this particular excruciating experience once. (Hind sight is 20/20, let me just tell you that right now.) But at the time I decided that she could have some cow's milk and we could be done with it, what a nice transition, child-led, no fighting, la-dee-da.

Except she wouldn't drink cow's milk. White. Vanilla. Chocolate. Or Rice Milk. Or Coconut Milk. Or Almond Milk. Or Soy Milk. Or Strawberry Milk. Or strawberry yogurt with strawberry milk and chocolate sauce please drink this pretty please. She immediately spat it all out. So now I had an almost one year old not drinking a lick of dairy.

At this point, I am fine with it. Milk is definitely a cultural thing, and I'm not crazy about it myself. However, a year ago, I was NOT fine with it. This was a big red flag (for later) that at the time, as an event in isolation, I was losing sleep over. Why is my kid the one kid in the world who doesn't like milk? CHOCOLATE milk? etc

Around this time (it might have been earlier) Sophia really threw me for a loop when it came to sleeping. Up til now, I was okay with night wakings because she wasn't quite a year, and breastfed on command. We had definitely grown into a routine where she wouldn't wake up at night since she was about 8? 9? months (or so, sorry, I can't remember exactly).  It wasn't like she slept from 8-8 every night or anything like that, but once you put her down, she typically wouldn't wake up until she was ready to be up for the day, whenever that might be.

Then things started to get really whacky. Night was day, day was night, she wasn't calming down at night and would stay up all hours, even though I knew she was tired. I am anti- CIO and even gentle sleep training had no appeal so I just sat with her. And sat with her. Some nights we watched the sun come up. We would miss appointments, social outings, because we were both so tired and miserable. My marriage took a big hit. I complained, a lot. Again... why is this happening, why is she so different, what is going on here? Every sleep/ behavioral book on the market was read or at least summarized, baths and massages were given, lavender, chamomile.... yeah, nothing worked. She was wired completely differently than any other child I had ever met or heard about.

The First Few Days

As I think about Sophia's life so far I think it's important to go over a few "key" periods in her life. This helps you as the reader get a "Big Picture" view over time, and it helps me chronicle my experience.

The next few posts will be snap shots of time where something just wasn't quite right, and what we did about it at the time. At the end of this series of posts, I hope to be able to pull them all together into a conclusion.

Starting with: The first week of Sophia's life (July into August, 2011)

Sophia was like all newborns in the hospital that week, except she was one of the only vaginally birthed ones on our floor (I specifically remember a nurse telling me that all the other moms were either in the OR or recovery). I didn't want her to go to the nursery at first, but seeing as she wasn't eating and I hadn't slept in, 24? hours, at one point the first night I decided to let her go. She came back just as I was falling asleep, supposedly hungry. But I didn't have anything to give her, this being my first baby, I didn't even have colostrum yet.  So she kind of yelled for awhile and then... dun dun dunnnn... we gave her a pacifier. We got released later that day. I was pumping some colostrum, since Sophia still didn't want to nurse, or didn't want to try to, anyway. We fed her with our fingers, dipping a finger into the bottle and letting her eat it off our finger, since the LC told us to. Once we got home, we had to wake Sophia up to feed her. She had no interest in eating. We blew in her face, shook her very gently, took off her clothes, dribbled milk into her mouth... nothing. It was sort of like talking to a rag doll. My milk took 5 days to come in due to this cause and effect relationship.

We finally had to "force" feed her some formula, because her jaundice was coming back, and I of course had phrases like "failure to thrive" bouncing around my head. Out of sheer will and determination, we got the knack of breastfeeding, but only because I am one of the most stubborn people I know, and refused to give up. For a few weeks I pumped and fed her pumped milk bottles, then we moved up to on the breast with a nipple shield because her latch was all sorts wrong (but did I care, or seek help? No. I was too excited that she was nursing). And then finally around 3 months old I was able to just go cold turkey on the nipple shield and she breastfeed exclusively until 4.5 months of age, at that time we added food because she was a genuinely hungry little monkey, and they hadn't come out with the EBF until 6 months mandate yet.

The Beginning: Part 2 (or, the birth story I've been waiting 18 months to write)

Don't judge... the minor details here are going to be hard to come by... I'm writing it now, that's what matters!

Ok, some background first.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Why This Week's Update is Late

Yesterday I had an ultrasound in the OB/GYN's office to check on the baby's growth (the doctor had been saying I was measuring large). Well, come to find out, she is HUGE, not just large- she is measuring 38 weeks instead of 35, but all in proportion (her head is 38 weeks, her tummy is, her femur bone is). Her weight is calculated to be 7 lbs 9 ounces ALREADY (they said the margin of error is about a pound, which is still crazy because either way she is on track to be at least 10 pounds at 40 weeks). They will NEVER let me (or her) get that far though, so it is much more likely that we are looking at a July baby instead of an August baby.

But we did see her labia, so it's definite that she's still a girl, and also that she's not bald! She has hair! Which I never knew you could see with an ultrasound, but that was so cool. She is also really low, her head is right THERE and she seems like she is ready to come out sooner rather than later. So I really have been getting kicked in the lungs, just as I thought. Also I found out why people have been saying "I look so small for August 2"-even though she is a giant- apparently I have a long abdomen and I hide it really well. She has lots of room in there- so yay for me being a big girl, for once, lol.

Afterwards, I had an appointment with the OB and my blood pressure was high (they took it 3 separate times) and it HAS been steadily climbing the past couple check-ups. But yesterday I guess it was TOO high because she sent me to the hospital right from the doctor's office. But after all the blood work and everything, I was totally fine, and actually, my blood pressure was absolutely fine as soon as they tested me there. The baby got monitored the entire time I was there, and she was fine too. I did have a little bacteria in my urine but they gave me antibiotics to ward off any infections. SO 3 hours later all we had a prescription for a generic antibiotic and nothing to be worried about.

My doctor wants me to come in once a week from now on (although my next appointment isn't until next Thursday- earliest she can fit me in, go figure...) and I will probably have ultrasounds every 2 weeks for as long as they let me go... but this is me saying I know I will never be allowed to get to 40 weeks.

So it's just wait & see time, although as soon as I got home last night, I DID start having my first braxton hicks contractions... my body just loved me yesterday and decided to kick me while I was down I guess! Even though I have enjoyed being pregnant I am thinking that I'm okay with her coming sooner rather than later... we both seem to be ready and willing. Not to say that I won't miss it, but both of our bodies are telling us time is almost up I think.

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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Last 2 Appts

I had an appointment on Thursday where I was told we will have to do non-stress tests twice a week, and an internal exam proved that at least these silly contractions were at least doing something, I was 1 centimeter dialated! The test went fine, she was doing good and my contractions were minor. Monday I went again and same thing, she looks good and her heartbeat is still going strong!! I have another one tomorrow ( I will be living at the doctor's office from now on I think) for the monitoring and hopefully another internal to check on my progress! If nothing then we wait some more until Monday the 18th when I have a non-stress test in the morning and an ultrasound in the afternoon- this is the one we've been waiting for- to determine just how big she is and what the plan will be!!

 So, whether or not I entirely agree with it now, we got scheduled for an induction at 39 weeks. At that time, I was about 2 centimeters dialated and had some pretty lame contractions at home, mostly during the nights. But as they say, every contraction is one less you have to have later.

It's funny how much things would have been different if I was having her now, but I became this person that I am now through her, diving into the parenting and birth world....

Anyway, we went to the hospital at about 6:00 pm. Settled in around 7:30 pm or so. After the preliminaries I was given one type of induction medicine vaginally. It didn't do squat! We wasted about 4 hours waiting around for it to kick in and do something. I was on Group B Strep meds, and they wanted me to get 2 rounds in before she arrived, so I finished one of those during those four hours, but absolutely nothing else was accomplished. So around 11 we had the attending doctor come in and talk about trying a second inducer, don't ask me what they were called, this was 18 months ago now LOL... anyway, that one got placed in, and we go ready to wait some more. Holy fast and furious. All of the sudden I think I jumped to 6 centimeters and I was just laying there (since I was on the IV drip) (annoying). Any time I went to the bathroom (I was also receiving fluids, so this was often) I would jump like another half a centimeter, not kidding. I was also strapped to the fetal monitor the whole entire time and it felt much better to sit up, so finally I did. While I was sitting up my water broke and it was like I asked to be discharged or something the way I was pushed down and adjusted- the nurse said that bad things can happen with my water breaking and me not being monitored- and I was like uhhhh ok. Incidentally, the baby also cracked my back real good swimming down :-) So this was probably around 1 am. My god I finally was feeling something!! The water breaking was like the hoover dam escaping because then I started making some noise, especially when they did an internal exam at that point. I think I might have been moaning. Anyway, having my water break and being at 6 cm put me on the top of the epidural list, and I think I got that around 4 am. Sorry, I know this isn't very accurate, it's kind of a blur....

Around 6 am, I was 8 centimeters, they put in a catheter and again as soon as my bladder was emptied I dilated more. Contractions continued one on top of the other and around 6:45 am I had an internal that had the nurse calling me 9 cm and the doctor saying 10 cm. Imagine being told that you are on track to have a 13 lb baby and your labor is going really, really fast. At least, it seems like super fast to you. Because you are about to have a 13 lb baby come barreling out of you at this speed!! And now imagine being told to "hold it". Because your doctor isn't in the building yet! Ohhhh. I think she got there at about 7:15.

There was no need for practice pushes or any fooling around. I *think* I held it in pretty good, but I might have had 2 involuntary pushes, it was really hard to tell with the epidural, but I could definitely still feel when I had to push. I did the next part silently. I don't know why. I'm not a Scientologist that insists on having silent births. Just a fact, so I'm putting it here :-) She had me push about 3 times, and Sophia's head was out. A couple more, and I had a super healthy, 8 pound 4 oz girl!

My "enormous, must induce this woman!!" baby, Sophia Emily born July 27th at 7:53 am

Bruce did NOT want to cut the cord. Yuck. My mom did. She said she's good from now on. LOL. Placenta was "nice and big and healthy". Sophia was suuuuper quiet. I half expected the doctor to spank her to get her to cry like in the movies LOL. I only had 5-6 stitches, a second degree tear.

As long as my blood pressure went down and Sophia's billirubin levels (jaundice) were good, I requested early discharge. I got my wish- We went home a day early!

The Take Me Home! Outfit

To this day I still say Sophia did most of the work. Thanks Sophia!

Resting at Home

The Beginning: The Prequel

I was about to do The Beginning: Part Two, but I realized I made a big boo boo and need to travel back in time just a bit, bear with me!

The Scene: Cabin in Cape Cod
The Date: Summer 2002
The Details: My best friend decided to inform me HOURS LATER that her boyfriend's friend LIKED me! OMGZ! Sophmore high school girl freak out!

Fast forward a few weeks, and you come to August 10, 2002- Bruce asked me out "officially"- I tried to ask him but he said no, no, he had to do it.

Youngin's! Here we are at 16 years old

Fast forward another six years and on August 9, 2008 he proposed to me... ironically, in Cape Cod!

I was just a *little* bit excited (this was almost immediately after he popped the question!)

Fast forward one more time to August 9, 2009 and, nine years from that first summer, we were married!!

If you think I went way too princess here, you should have seen my prom gown!

(Like clockwork, Sophia was due almost two years later, on August 2, 2011, she arrived one week early on July 27.)

So, this lays the foundation of our family. Come this summer Bruce and I will have been together for 11 years at the ripe ol' age of 26! Go Figure!

The Beginning: Part 1

I searched EVERY WHERE for this photo, I'm so glad I took it and kept it! (The photo, not the test... I know some people do that, but I skipped it)

The day was Monday, December 6th, 2010 and I was getting ready to go to work. I ate Apple Jacks cereal. It was a typical winter day in New England- snow was on the ground and it was pretty cold but the world doesn't stop so I was heading in for my 9-6 shift. I was literally brushing my teeth when, with no warning, I was throwing up said Apple Jacks (sorry). I blamed the rascals at my job for getting me sick (Again! I had just gotten over a huge stomach bug, after already being out of work for a few days recovering from getting my wisdom teeth pulled!)

I didn't even take this right away. I called out of work (I think I might have sent my mom in my place, we were both working at the same day care) and I think Jack stayed home with me too (my little brother, he would have been 8 at the time). It didn't occur to me until a couple hours later that maybe I should take a test, not thinking anything could REALLY pop up.

I was approximately 5 weeks pregnant.

First appointment was Tuesday, December 21st, where I got to see the heartbeat and even got those really cute early ultrasound photos below!

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The Blog Title

Our blog's title is a hat-tip to Dianna Argon's blog, You Me and Charlie.

Dianna (of Glee fame, one of my all time favorite shows) (Quinn Fabray, anyone?) uses her blog as an art collective, which this blog is not. It will be more like our family collective. :-) "You" might not feel like part of my family, but you can still join me & Sophia on our journey!